Why do i love my old cousin?

when i was lyk 7 yrs old my cousin who was 17 at dat tym tuk real gud care of me n i sort of had a crush wid him and now wen im 14 and hes 23 or 24 i still love him cuz hes really charming and he has graduated ,i havnt seen him since 4 yrs ,nowadays i email him as he lives in new york and me in pakistan but i wil immigrate to canada in 1 yr n i can easily go on road to america !and sumtyms he even gets annoyed by emails as he works ,he thinks of me as his sister which is ryt,he wud neva luv me lyk dat,hes very hot tempered as well my family doesnt lyk cousin marriage not even his ,so there is no way wid him 4 me so y cant i get him out of my head n my dreams,i want sum advice n i aint wasting my tym on him im a gud STUDENT! n wenever his name is mentioned i hav dis weird feeling in my heart,dont say dis is disgusting cuz i cant control my feelings,i want some advice, thanks